November 2010
0 posts
I’m happy for once.
October 2010
18 posts
I literally can’t stop smiling when I think about mike. And I can not stop thinking about him. He’s funny and nice, and we have the same interests. I just really really really hope that when we meet I feel the same way. If im not attracted to him then I’m not going to go to the party because I told myself that I wouldnt date a guy that I wasn’t attracted to right off the...
Smitten kitten, twice bitten.
I’m really into this guy mike. He’s really sweet. He texts me almost everyday, and he’s into everything that I’m into. I smile when I talk to him and think about him.
I wish I knew how to be happy. I feel like I sulk a lot. I am always complaining. I need to be more positive. It’s like, when I’m with friends or family I am happy… But when I’m alone, I start to think about things and I get sad.. Maybe it’s not so much being alone, but more closing myself off to the world. I pop in my headphones at work and ignore the world around...
I’m kind of sad right now… I have so much fun just hanging at home having drinks. I wish that my friends liked doing this. They always want to go to clubs or bars though… I’m so over that. I would much rather hang out and be mellow and low key in a safe place. These guys are really nice. But they are so young. I feel like I’m so fucking old around these guys. I am...
The right coast is here.
I feel like An outcast. I try to fit in and be cool, and it seems like I’m just weird. I want for people to like me. I want to be pretty, and sexy, and funny, and mysterious…. But I’m not. I’m akward, and shy, and desperate.. I am a freaking joke.
smoked again.
just went to the versaemerge concert. it rocked! im so attracted to band boys. i love the long funky hair, tank tops, tight pants, scruff, and piercings. i wish i could meet a guy like that. its what im attracted to. but i feel like i never have the guts to talk to them because im intimidated by them. i have opportunities to talk to them, i just dont because im shy or something. i feel like if i...
The girls at work were talking about abortions today. It made me really sad. I know I didn’t have one, but I feel like the things I went through are just as traumatic. I feel like I’m never going to get over it.. Sometimes I wish that it didn’t happen. Sometimes I wish that I the baby and was a mom. I feel like I would be a good mom. Sometimes I wish that I was still with Chad....
still lonely and depressed.
and now i feel like a fat fucking pig. i hate myself.
I started talking to a guy I met on pof. He’s super cool. He seems like a really fun guy. He’s into music and plays in a band. He really seems like he would be fun to hang out with. His name is mike. I really want to meet him. Hopefully i will this week. I want to be in love so bad. but I don’t want to rush it. But at the same time, I know that no one is perfect. I just want to...
im off work today. i went shopping at the thrift store. found a few cute tops. its cold outside. im sitting by the fire watching a movie. the dogs are snuggling me. i wish i had someone to spend the day with. im lonely. all i do is eat smoke shop and work. i need to get a life. why cant i get my priorities straight? i want so much in life i just have no motivation to get out there and do it.. i...
Just got my nails and toes done. It makes me feel so pretty to have a French manicure. I love being able to relax with my mom and sister. I love being off work For the weekend. I just wish I had someone to spend time with.. I get so bored, so I end up running pointless errands by myself, spending money that I dont have. I just want some company. Someone to laugh with and snuggle with when...
I had a drink before I smoked tonight.
I feel like I keep getting worse and worse. Its like I put up a front to make it seem like I’m happy when I’m really not. I act bubbly and try to be cool at work, but really all I want to do is listen to my music and not talk to anyone. I wish I could move far away and start over. I want to live in a place where nobody knows me. I want to be a new person. I want to be better. I wish I...
im really really really REALLY really Really REAlly ReAlLy REALLY reallY reaLLy really really REALLY REALLY REAlly REalLy really really really REALLY depressed..
I seriously think I have depression or something. I ne’er wantto go out anymore. With my friends or with guys. I feel like I’ve always been like this. Not all the time, but every few months I get this way. I just want to be alone and not do anything. I don’t even want to go on my 2 dates this weekend.. I know that I want to be in a committed relationship. I’m just not sure...
It’s darl’s bday weekend. The girls want to go out after work. I don’t really want to go because I know I’ll be tempted to drink. Ugh, and I have to work at 9. I hate getting in at 230 or 3 when I know I have to work in the morning. I know it’s not every weekend, but still. I’m over going to bars and I feel like the girls don’t understand. I’d rather...
back again
im drinking detox tea. its going to flush me out. hopefully i wont feel so bloated tomorrow. then i really need to get on track. no more mess ups. this weekend i am going to be so good! im barely going to eat. and only one or 2 drinks when i go out. im going out fri and sat, so its going to be hard. i know i can do it though. as long as i get through the weekend i will be fine. im getting my diet...
sometimes i feel so lonely. i look at my sister and her fiance and they seem so perfect. i know they arent, but at least they have eachother. i have no one to share my time with. every time i get the chance i sabatoge it. i want to be happy. i really do! but for some reason i just cant let myself. i think im just so over the club/bar scene. and i hate dating. the whole thought of opening up my...