I wish I knew how to be happy. I feel like I sulk a lot. I am always complaining. I need to be more positive. It’s like, when I’m with friends or family I am happy… But when I’m alone, I start to think about things and I get sad.. Maybe it’s not so much being alone, but more closing myself off to the world. I pop in my headphones at work and ignore the world around me. I do this most of the time. I likethe girls, but I feel like they judge me. It makes me feel like I don’t know if They judge me because I’m a bad person or because I’m immature or because I’m weird… Maybe they don’t even care enough to judge me. I just get the feelig that they are. Maybe I’m just insecure about myself. Who am I kidding? I know I’m insecure. I’m a very vain person. I want to be pretty. Maybe that’s why guys don’t like me. I’m all looks. I’m not smart enough to be with a smart successful guy. Why would a successful guy want me? I feel like I have nothing to offer. I can’t stop thinking about how lonely I am. I seriously check out every guy that I see.. I must look incredibly desperate because no one ever talks to me. I rarely get hit on. And if I do, it’s at a bar/club. I don’t want to date a guy that I meet at a bar. Im really digging this guy mike that I met on pof. He’s super cool. I just hope he really looks like his pictures. If he really is cute, then I think I’m going to be in love. Ugh, somtimes I get ahead of myself. I’m not going to rush into anythin! I’m not going to fall too soon. I’m not going to hook up with him just because. I’m goingto be rational. I’m going to weigh the pros and cons before deciding if I like him. I’m going to be honest and be myself. If ever… I keep thinking about getting married. Chad popped into my head. Annette is getting married. She’s pregnant. I wish I was a housewife. I wish I was a mom liken was supposed to be. Why did god give me such a gift and let me tell everyone aboutnit… and then he rips the gift right from me like he was ripping my heart out of my chest. I have never felt such strong emotions and experienced such pain. And I didn’t even get a child out of it. I feel like I need to stop partying and drinking and whatnot. If I want to find a guy, then I need to settle down. I really hope that I will be happy one day. I wish that I was happy now. I wish that I cared about bigger issues.. But my world revolves around me. I’m a selfish person. That’s why I want a child. So that I have someone else to care about oter than myself. I wish I had a man. A real man. One that loves everything about me. One that is attractive and funny. Sarcastic. Manly. Family oriented. Into music. Kinda like me. But more responsible. I feel like maybe I dnt have a bf because I’m 23 and still at home.. I should get another job so that I can move out. I feel like I need to try harder. The only problem is staying motivated.